I lost my job in November 2019, nothing surprising there, of course! I often lose my jobs for valid personal reasons or life happens on me. I give up on a job because I am tired or simply washed out and demotivated. I think this is something that goes back to my schooling days. I push myself until there is no energy left in me. It was a bad emotional setback pattern I need to fix. Because I feel, if, right now, I had held that job then, it would not garantee that I would not have sad thoughts.
But mind you it has nothing to do with the company or work environment. It was personal situation in which I had to face the passing away of my mother. Later father joined Amma in the confusion of 2020. I took a hit twice and felt completely alone in life. But in all this I have been doing well and prepared for supporting myself. I have motivated my spirit to go on and to move on in life. I still strongly feel that “all that happens, happens for good!” So, losing the job was for the betterment of life, that was not clear back then; but now it is getting clearer for me now though!
All my employment so far, I have enjoyed the work I did, since all involved the English language. I might not be your best bet for grammar, but I enjoy creating content that is a spin-off from total whimsical thread of dreamscapes! Simply lots of balderdash! So, I am happy to have worked in all the offices and for my dad too. It is just that I need to rework in my mind what is the best way to work at a task. How bold is bold? Where do I draw a line of “do not go there!” I am still learning this…
The Passing and The Understanding of It
I had just joined the company in Feb-2019 and in couple of month there was a news from US that my mom was not doing well. The company was kind enough to allow me for a quick visit to US to see Amma and Appa before they left this world for better accommodation above or below, not sure about that though! I came back having understood that Amma was not going to make it through that year. It was hard for me emotionally and my motivation to work was completely gone. Even now it is not improved. One can be self-tolerated only that much, I am restless getting on my own nerves!
Amma was my lifeline for many reasons. I believed for a long time, that I cannot survive without her after the day she pass away. I feared that incident for a long time. But then, I was proved wrong as I watch myself now chugging along simply fine! Last year May 2020 saw me handling the passing of Appa. I think somewhere in this universe, the other shoe of my existence had dropped too. Mind you I am a survivor is a strongest belief of mine. I can keep myself together all the time. It is just that I need to pull myself from my bootstrap.
Reflecting on Those Wise Parental Counsels Disregarded
Most of my childhood, youth, and adulthood had been spent with my parents. They are my closest counsel even though I am a most temperamental child of theirs. I have disregarded their advices and suggestions much to their frustration. I believe that my life is the result of the choices that I made, will make, have been making, and in all the tenses.
Doing BA Literature was my strongest desire right after Higher secondary. I was shocked into realization that there was still college to be completed before I can call off studying. Because by the time I finished 12th I told myself I am taking a vacation to my dreamland. Since I could not do that, I settled for at the very least to be close to stories.
Appa and I had my life’s major fight (anything above softly spoken words is fight for me). While I was passionately talking a little above decibel conversation at my future college campus over the course, and going against my father. I adamantly wished do English and refused to accept his directive for doing the Economics course. I did not like the idea of doing Economics since it was too much effort. With English literature you can enjoy yourself and crouch on the last bench and become invisible like Harry Potter. Only thing is that the Professors’ are busy watching out for the last benchers. Yucks! I could never hide from them…since I am such a curious person with loads of questions.
Basic Difference Between Learning Rote and Experiential Learning
I wanted a year’s break from education after my 12th board exams which I never got. I think all of us in India or anywhere don’t get it. It was too late! When I realized that you are set for a lifelong learning on this journeying planet Earth! No chance on missing that! If that be the case then, I decided to find ways to make it a joyous experience. I am a teacher’s best challenge. It is difficult to make me understand anything under the Sun.
When I became a teacher, I could empathize with my teachers and their difficulties. Now when I think of the students seating for board exams, I feel that they are much more stressed, than I had been back in 1992-93. Is our education really teaching survival skills? I think no one can teach you about how to live and to choose in life. I guess one figures it out in their own slow process.
Lockdown and New Attractions for Kindle
During the initial phase of lockdown of the covid-19 pandemic, my Kindle was filled with Kindle Unlimited books borrowed 10 books at a time. They slowly became romances, since my staple food of romance novels were satisfied by the local lending library along with some best sellers for light reading.
Classics literature was usually from Amazon secondhand books in US during my MFA, later in India it was new ones, since secondhand in Indian market is little tricky but physical bookstore have good condition books too. But majorly a no no rolling my eyes! The initial days of covid-19 there were a shut down on deliveries to site. So, I settled down for Kindle downloads.
My Kindle was the world to me. I read so many books that there was no space to write about them. I was filled with so much thoughts and desire to write kind of took a backstage. But I tried to capture my thoughts about the various books that I read. Kafka, Mark Twain, my all time favorites like Ernest Hemingway, some of my chosen few romance novelists. You name book I would have read and I have checked out EQ on them.
Asian Drama Became Post Lockdown New Addictions
This Kindle books addiction was getting to be expensive for me and I needed to find another alternative for the requirement to keep me occupied. That is when I started to look out for Drama and theater on Tata Sky. Rangmanch of Zee Entertainment channel kept me engaged and reverberated with ideas. Of course, I was busy gobbling up like a mad turkey the social media news channels in multiple languages. Then, this phase followed by my hiding the head under the sand in negation, while still following the precaution of Covid-19.
I have been an Asian drama fanatic for a long time way back in 2010. I even now enjoy the various KoreanDrama, ChineseDrama, ThaiDrama and JapaneseDrama from the South Asian peninsula. The whole change of perspectives of discovering new stories have changed due to the pandemic. It has changed all our lives. But I had to keep up with my personal challenges. In this lockdown, I have found so many of things beginning to open. From YouTube channels to Apps to APK you name it, the world of Internet has been booming to life and changing lives in a remarkable pace. As I mentioned earlier, that “all happens, happens for the good!”
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