Journal Entry: Why Does It Happen to Me?!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2020 | 12:44 PM
A few weeks back, I was washing the bed cover since the sun had been uncompromising in abetting its heat waves and I have very naturally sweated like a pig in its sty. So, given the natural need for fresh sheets, I cleared the study room-cum-bedroom to occupy the master bedroom.
Nervousness and Vertigo from Over-the-top Mobile Usage
I am rather nervous about new spaces even if it is my home where I hang my humble hat. But then, I was huddled in that room the whole of morning since I was sick too. I have been having a slight case of vertigo due to over mobile use. You would think I would have been WhatsApping no sire. I was watching web series. YouTubing to my heart’s content.
I must say the world looks different lying down but when it started to spin that is when I got my “me ole self” to a doctor for a fix. I landed up with a prescription of exercise routine and advised to take a break from the mobile.
So, I am a person who must be constantly thinking about something or the other. I become so depended on flashing images to keep me company that to be deprived of it took a lot of effort. But then, life’s simple solutions are right round the corner.
Magic of Blue Sky and “Gulmohar” in Full Bloom
Just close to the bed was the window and when you lie down on the bed you get the view that is spectacular. For a moment there, my oldest fantasy of blue sky came true. Just as my eyes were blown over by the sky’s blue color right below the fiery red colors splashed with such vigor.
Right below the sky was the “Gulmohar” flowers. It was high summer and the flowers in a spectacular bloom and I could not move my eyes even if I wished to move my head. For a moment, time stood still, and nothing absolutely nothing moved, but for the insistent whirl of the fan and it was reflected in the gentle swaying of the branch. In the light breeze the flowers were rocking to a music of its own.
I kept watch mesmerized and hardly noticed the passing of time. When I recovered from the blast of nature, I knew that the magic of the moment is ever embedded in the memory as a love affair that was unrequited. I have many such moments of sky and skyline. Especially when the sky is lit up with stars or the Moon plays monopoly with stars, I think life is given to enjoy nature at its best moments.
I even let the bed spread hang on the line for extra three so I could spend time just watching flame red of the flowers alongside the blue of the sky. In this way I got my break from the technological devises and spend my entire four or five days just being in the company of the tree, its leaves, its flowers, and the sun’s light on them within the comfort of the shut room.
Sadness Awaits on All Corners of Life
Somewhere I could hear the melody of life play its music in my being. The dips, the raise, the fall, and the lifts were such fascination. It was the first of its kind for me. That life could never go wrong in the cycle what comes along as it goes along, was a revelation for me. After my five days of break, I was picking up my interest on my laptop when I heard some, huge being sighing as he slides down to the ground with a thud sound.
I was shaken for a moment thinking that maybe some accident with one of the rash bikers. But no in the dark dimly lit road where I lived was the gentle tree that I had admired few days back, now lay down on the ground in all its huge glory.
For a moment, I stopped and emotionally I could not comprehend what was happening. I stood at my full-size window covered with a mosquito net and watched people gather around the tree. By the next day, the tree was cleared by the Corporation helpers, while few of the trunk pieces were piled up on the ground close to my neighbor’s gate.
That was all, the majestic Summer flowering tree, the “Gulmohar” or Delonix regia was nevermore. The sadness was much like the Raven poem I had just discovered in my unconscious lifestyle. I had just admired it for four or five days and spirit flew out of the tree.
Often in early daylight I would still see the tree being its joyous self. And wonder if life was short and what is the most important thing in life?
What is important in Life? Really and Seriously?!!
Saturday, March 6, 2021 | 1:30 PM
There is much to learn from life. For me nature is the best way to self-reflect and to meditate. The beauty also hides the vicarious threat in it. For much like a tree, human beings are also interesting. Whenever I am with a person, I give my 100% attention, it is never half-hearted attempt; but a sincere effort to really understand the person.
While browsing through the YouTube funnel, I came across a compilation of old Elon Musk’s interview. Someone had caught him being emotional. I honestly wanted to knock that cameraman’s head to tell him give Mr. Musk the space to bring himself together. I do not care even if has murdered someone. Everyone has a right their emotional privacy.
But no, the selfish consumerism gives unwarranted rights to people for a display of a interviewed person’s personal emotions, I felt that was not right. That is one thing that I never liked about Journalism. At some point journalist and news reporters should stop and let the person be, so as to give them the dignity of personal space.
I do understand that the driving forces are livelihood and readership expansion means more money and popularity to the channel. Sometimes money and fame are not the only thing in life. The passion that you put forth for your work, art and well-being are spiritual connect for me; but not compromising on ethical work values.
So Here is Value Clash and My Recent UPI Experience
This one goes specially out to Sandeep Kanbar and Thamarai Selvi of Seethapathy Clinic. I have been trying to make a payment on UPI and have no idea how to do it. For the past two weeks, I have been doing the same mistake and getting failed payment message on my receipt which is proof of payment.
Today, I asked Sandeep to help me, and we did a complicated Gmail Meet, Screen share and CC caption since he cannot hear me. I am too green because after the long covid break from Technology, I feel like I am a grandmother with the ‘chakki pe-shing’. Of course, I was pe-shing and pe-shing, the wrong way.
I must thank SysArc for the short duration when I was on my own on the banking screen for payment, I was super nervous. It seems like once the payment initiation happens, I should be busy with the payment steps and not watch the clock on the clock down page. (LOL!)
So, after much trail and error between Sandeep and Me, I eventually figured out and the last stretch with the bank I did it alone and Volià! Successful Payment!!! Never felt happier 😊. I felt the guilt of not paying the doctor for two weeks ease a little. After the payment, I was a total wreck and had to take a nap to calm down.
All is Well That End’s Progressively Well!
I must say Sandeep takes the credit for the whole exercise. He was patient with me and figuring out together making errors and figure my phone became easier to handle.
There ends a combination of experiences, views, and thought processes.
There is a way for everything, that’s a new understanding!