When we believe that we are fair and all our actions are good deed; then, at that point, if we are wronged by a close acquaintance or even our own bosom buddy, we feel hurt deeply. Then, people around us generally take our side and pacify us, as the victim or in some cases, we, assume that we are the victim. Now I would warn you to stand guard against of anyone, when they advise you to get even or seek revenge on the person who hurt you!
In simpler terms, the act of revenge is an action directed in the heat of angst towards another being, for the injustice borne us which was inflicted by the perpetrator of wrong action, which then had hurt you deeply and affected your emotional quotient.
It is often justified to seek retribution for the hurt, so the revenge. We see it as a valid action, because I was wronged, so now, I am provided with a chance, then when an opportunity appears before me I shall retaliate, then so, I go ahead with the angry action. Being wronged does not justify the need for a revenge, period! This I strongly feel and according to me.
Anger Management with A Twist of Lemon
I feel that when in the heat of the moment and our uncontrolled passion, one must get to calm down somehow. I know it is hard; but do it for the general good! It is extremely easy to just verbally instruct; but it is super hard to achieve it. Learn the art of holding yourself back, even for a few minutes, before you respond to the stimuli.
That moment of pause would result in greater peace for yourself later. Since you refrained from acting out of anger shows greater strength of character. There have been many moments in my life where I had felt such intense anger within me; but I could not show it to anyone. That anger within me burst out in my journal or poem writing. I was super cautious and wrote down in poems if I am super angry! And these hurt were recorded in great speed, until I am all drained out of my anger, later I would write in the journal the lessons.
Analyzing My Angry Self with A Cool Mind!
Once after writing it all down. Then, I will give myself a week’s time and re-read the entry. Now is the time to analyze the anger and the pattern of my getting angry. I tell you, many times I wish, I could be swallowed up by the earth. I was so greatly ashamed with my hateful thoughts that I have expressed in the journal or the poem. This was back in 1989-91, I was still young in my ways and releasing the anger was the initial task of the writing spree.
Later, when I began meditating and spending more time with myself alone in inner reflection, I would bring out these hate words. I will nitpick each word from etymological level to semantics, inner and hidden meanings. I will literally roll it all over. I would flip, flap, and flop it, until I understood my angry self.
I am a great advocate of Journal writing. Holding a journal of your thoughts allows you to think thorough hard issues in a rational manner.
You Have Spent Venting, Analyzing | Now Takeaways!
I would spend a lot of time to find out what triggers my anger. Mind you I am a weak person and never disagree with anyone who is louder than me, even if it is few decibels above the accepted voice sound levels of human ears. I would cower and hide, the place where I never hide is my journals. You could say I am more myself when I write.
I found that anger takes sometime to settle down and it requires safe venting mechanism. By 1991 Summer I was reading the book by Thich Nhat Hanh on Mindfulness, a copy from school library or was it the lending library, hmmm… don’t know. My first book on Buddha’s teaching was my social science class lesson. When I read the path and beliefs, I was taken in and by quiet a magic of the cosmos, I read about Mindfulness by the Vietnamese Monk.
This book gave me insight and I used the lessons in my daily life. I turned them into ways to learn about myself. Jiddu Krishnamurthy, one of my favorite free thinkers, his teachings used to be confusing for me; but Thich Nhat Hanh was extremely easy and simple to understand. I spend a lot of time meditating over the anger that I felt within me.
Figured Out How to Manage Uncontrollable Anger
Then suddenly, I discovered that it is to be conscious of yourself and pick the first sign of anger which is irritation or errant thought that alerts you to the possible raising temperature of anger. That is when you stop all your conversation if possible, and work on listening out to the other person’s thought while striving to understand the person’s needs.
Do not try to resolve the issue in the heat of the moment, but then, I guess if you cannot, then choose to get some space to clear your thinking and its processes. At these moments, I usually have a standard answer to hold off taking an angry action.
Mindfulness Help with Being Self-Aware
Monitoring your thoughts gives a better grip on your anger. Because you would have caught the first presence of discord immediately, I tell you that alone will prevent the unnecessary collateral damages to any relationships.
Even today, I cannot say I completely conquered my anger. I need to regulate my inner passions and sense of injustice which is the two elements that makes me feel mistreated and angry. We are the best for ourselves, and we know we are our best! Even though the reality might be a little different. It is to be able to see that reality too, and not just look at your vanity prism alone! 😉
One Sadhana That I Do Often to Calm Down
I love to go to the terrace and spend time walking in the open space with the sky bending over me. For me looking at the variant shades of blue of the sky, can be liberating and soul-quenching. I water my spirit from the smallest view of the Sky from anywhere. These days after old home became a flat, I do not go to the terrace and watch the sky from the windows all around the apartment.
For me sky means that I wish to raise above the earthly struggle and see the situation from the aerial view to figure what is the most important need in the situation here – Losing face or Not Losing a relationship? That question clinches my decision and I always found that the relationship was far more important, than my holding on to my overblown ego.
Being Peaceful Can Be Achieved with Nature
I have spent countless hours just watching the wild unkempt backyard in our family home, in my younger days. These days I look up to see the open sky through my shut glass window or walk out into my private balcony. In our backyard of the old home, there was a Woodapple tree, a Jasmine plant crawling up the wooden skeletal frame with hidden koels, then there was the various wildflowers, plants and general sense of disarray wild things.
Sometimes, the place used to be so compelling that I would take the back door entrance, get down the stairs, and spend time picking wildflowers. There is a wild variety of the December flower which has seeds that burst if it encounters water. So, as a children we played with by collecting the seeds and putting them in a puddle of water and watch it crackle. But then when collecting I would hold the seeds tight in my little hand and making a fist.
The seeds would encounter the sweat dripping from my little hands and they begins to crackle with slightly negligible pain to my person. Where it was held tightly in my fist, the seeds would burst in my fist. (LOL!) For me, nature could be just a far off trees, plant, animal, or if nothing at all, then the sky itself.
But, if I am shut in lightless or dark place, then I would imagine that I am seeing the Woodapple tree from my past. Memories will be replayed until the peace and calm is restored within me. This has been my latest understanding.
Keeping the Positivity Despite Gloom All Around
The human imagination can make life such a waking hell or a grotto of heaven based on how you have stored your past information, then how they get displayed in your inner mind when in distress. You are in control of your inner world and that world’s security against anger is completely in your hands and thoughts.
How you recognize your triggers and how you address them gives you the power to overcome the battle with your inner anger and dissensions.
Here’s wishing you all the best in conquering your negative emotions with little peace and calm!