A Slow Ambling Walk-Through My Thought Space

I believe my life is blessed, be it the family that I was born into, or the people who volunteered to help me out, or the protection that arrived on time in my most difficult moments. I am happy with whatever happened to me in the past, and I believe I am never alone in my life.

The presence of the Divine in my life is a self-realized factor. All my hardships are part of the drive to chisel me into the person that I am today. Even in the upcoming future, I am sure that there are lot more challenges waiting for me. It is going to further shape me into a better version person. I am hopeful of that and I look forward to it!

My life’s philosophy has been “to cut the losses and to count the gains while moving forward with the life’s lessons.’ I am not a fate-oriented person, I feel life is a deliberate choice of the individual pick of options, because life comes with choices and our selections make up for our current state.

Listening to Butter of BTS. The lyrics are getting in my thought space. I got caught on the one set “Let me show you ’cause talk is cheap.” My brain stopped thinking for a moment all surprised! ‘Action’ speaks more than ‘Wordy Talk.’ I started to ponder from this point.

My personal professional choice of career is to write, that is, to talk with writing! Yeah compared with my salary that I draw as a content writer is negligible, yes written talk is cheap! BTS nailed that thought! Me and my non-stop nonsense writing are quiet a pair! Just words would not fill the empty belly! A fact.

So, I asked myself if what I write and what I do, have I lived by it? Then, the answer would be that ‘in the written format I try to be the better version of myself;’ but in reality, ‘I am still a work-in-progress person.’

Like for instance, today I woke up and decided to watch my stats in WordPress and make some changes in my writing schedules. I have a minimum of 1 visitor or view daily, nothing great, but for me, it is enough. But if there were no visits or views on a day, then I feel maybe I should write something. But then, I hold off for my muse. Usually wakes up when desire awakens for writing.

I start putting up an article as early as possible after waiting for the muse to visit. But sometimes it is just to arrive or to show up and hope that the muse does appear on time. For that one visitor or viewer, I would work with an open-heart to genuinely share a thought.

But my only condition has always been was that I would not write an article merely to fill up space or meet a view requirement. It was not acceptable to me. So, there must be something that moves me emotionally and then I would sit down to write.

Sometimes after the fresh post goes live, for a long period, there is no stats for a visit to the site or post. I understand the need for traffic but I would rather leave my blog site place a free choice to visit and not forced, so I do not have any social media posting either to avoid adverting for my blog post. Little silly but my quirk!

For instance, today! I felt a desire to write (a rare but strong urge!). I wanted to write something that was ambling and slow trot to the finish line. I like to meander like the aging river as she rushes to join the arms of the ocean king (sigh!). The gush, the flow, and the liquidity are worthy to watch.

In geography class, I loved the lessons about the rivers and their formation. While being a student, some lessons made me interested in the topic which I would try to explore in all the tea-table books that Appa had purchased from Reader’s Digest.

Mrs. Eipe was our geography teacher for class 9 and 10. Since we had the same teachers and section during both these classes. Julius Caesar was taught for these two years, in its unabridged original version of William Shakespeare’s play. I remember Brutus and Antony’s speech were memoritas.

The play has an exceptional conversation between Cassius and Brutus. How Brutus is convinced that Caesar has to be murdered. I feel now that Cassius was too cunning and misinterprets the situation. I still feel killing or violent taking of life should never ever be a choice for attaining the freedom of the country, nation or community.

It was the wrong choice and Brutus paid for it. He was a politician and there are multiple ways to protest and protect your nation. Using violence should not be an option at all. Heated debate at the council and factually stating why the choice is contrary to progress. There are a n-number of options that are above board.

Even now I feel our Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha should hold heated argument to come up with better governance for the country. Tamilnadu is a state that hold the richest of thoughts and cultural values; but then, our parliament and council do not behave in refined way.

The hope is up for the present chief minister would keep up the honor and decorum of our culture and arguments are verbal not phyiscal, and aimed for the betterment of the society. I still hope that Ministers and other government officials would carry out their duty as a service to the nation.

I seemed to have shifted to Civics paper. But then, getting back to geography and maps I had such pleasure in marking incorrect answers. I remember that I marked the river wrong in a desert area and Mrs. Eipe had placed three question marks and two exclamation on my marking with ‘really’ comment. (lol)

I was so fascinated by the lesson on rivers that my mind made a story of a river. In the beginning a young maid till she is aging with woman’s dignified ambling. The origin to the end of her journey was such a pleasure to explore. I find that within me. I always associated myself with water and whenever I am near a waterfront my spirit flies.

I loved the fact that the river collects silt and deposit in the banks of the plain. Human life is like the river rushing and fiercely when young and calming down completely when older. Life experiences in the flow of timeline of an individual journey from baby, youth, bae, middling, and dignified old age.

There are countless stolen moments in our life that tell us about our journey had been unique and our own. Like a well-preserved wine, it gets better with time. Brewing a coffee of our experience awakens all the five senses at the same time for me. There is still much to learn in this life. I think it is endless and lifetimes’ learning.

As an understudy the lessons that life taught me are for a lifelong learning and never stops at any age. Even in one’s death-bed people are learning something about life. The soul is endlessly learning. The belief is that the Soul cannot feel anything, only when it takes a material form can it feel anything.

So, I am assuming that this material body is a way to explore the experimental testing ground Earth is for the various Five senses based learning. Human beings are still evolving since a part of the brain is changing with each generation as we pass by each century.

From baby at arms to old-aged Shakespearean Second Childhood, the human traveling through the gamut of experiences and learning, speaks for growth at a slow and steady pace. What a youth believes gets changed in middle age, or old age depends on the speed at which the individuals process their life events and their unique lessons.

So much like the lifeline of the river at the various stages of flow, likewise human life is also full of exciting moments and calm moments. Our life starts with dependency and ends in dependency with some exception to the rule.

Like an old river taking a zig-zag route to meet the sea, I feel that life’s moment should be enjoyed at an ambling pace. It is a laid-back existence and there is much to learn as we take every sharp or smooth curve slowly and enjoy the moments’ lessons with true spirit of a willing student!

I am reminded of K Ramakrishnan sir, who was a Consultant Editor of Chandamama when I was under his supervision. Every time I went to him for my edits, he would patiently walk me through each write-up. I never felt that I had done poorly but I received enlightening insights into my writing.

He had the aging river’s patience and the knowledge that he had gathered over the year were like the rivers rich silt. His advice used to be a balm for my soul. I was hurting back then and his advice on my writing helped me understand myself and my writing so well.

So, I still feel like a young river gushing and trashing things on my path and not ambling and slowly taking everything around me. Life comes to an end at unexpected moments leaving the lessons unfinished. I would rather learn all my lessons and then, leave this place in peace.

The speed at which things move in life is rather terrifying yet one needs to hold on to the calm mindset. I learned a lot in the 45 days as an intern and the four months as an employee. He also helped me with my recommendation letter and copy of it, I still have it with me. He was like the male river in my understanding of his personality.

River is consistent, persistent and flexible. That quality of patiently bore into the rocks and eroding in slow attempts are so like the river. But when it is young it does not care if the damage is heavy. But when she ages then she become more calm because the collection is slowing her down. She reflects on her initial greed for collecting things that stopped her or hindered her path.

But then river is part of the five elements and elements function at a lower range of spiritual intelligence. Much like when Ganga decided to squash Lord Shiva when he stood ready to break her forceful descent to Earth. This our popular ancient text from the Epic Mahabharata.

Since mother Earth cannot withstand her force of descent Lord Shiva stepped in to break the force and make the flow on earth slower and easier to handle. Goddess Ganga was mischievous and filled with pride in her powers that, she disregarded the advice to flow gently as given by Lord Shiva.

Lord Shiva understood her inner mindset and quickly tied her up in his locks and thus suffocating Ganga. After Ganga asks for forgiveness, he opens one string of his hair from which Ganga arrives on Earth as a young river. Even when Bhagirath takes her to the place where his brothers and cousins lay as ashes due to the angry curse. The only way to salve the situation was to bring Ganga from the heaven and his persistence held out. River Ganga was the only water that can save all his relations to reach closure to their unrest souls.

River Ganga’s story can be found in Amar Chitra Katha channel where it has been beautiful picturized and explained in English and other languages. For me, when I was reading the lesson on the river and its formation, I was so full of River Ganga’s story since I had already read the comic in my younger age.

So, the river and its life story on earth became a wonderful story hidden in those geography lessons. I was irrevocably fascinated and thrilled to attempt question on river in all the 10th exams that was conducted in our school and eventually in the Public finals.

I am such a poor student that I sympathize with my teachers. I understand that it would have been really hard to teach me anything. As a teacher, even if it was for few months or so, I feel the teacher’s challenges with difficult students are really difficult to manage without empathy.

If I had the current understanding, then I believe I would have been a better student in my past. But past cannot be changed, but now, I have my own method to study and most of the memorizing has been replaced with technology. I do know that learning has changed and understanding can happen even among weak students.

I am hopeful and keep learning hopefully until my death-bed.

Source:

  • Genius Lyrics BTS Butter
  • National Geographic Channel – Rivers
  • The Tribune – Spectrum – Chandamama
  • Amar Chitra Katha Library